guess i'm not the only one with a "problem".
you poor things, you'll get through it fine, don't worry.
meat pie, throw at you.
why are all boys + men + old ah kongs i.e anybody with testosterone like this?
clueless. about EVERYTHING. from umbrellas to mrt to..nevermind.
i said i would complain anymore.
no more, no more, no more.
OH DAMMIT I'M LOSING IT.
and you know what's the most terrible thing?
you could be reading this.
currently in church, we are undergoing a churchwide bible study series called Making Marriage Work.
totally irrelevant to us youngsters. but still, it's pretty interesting.
(aiyo, that jay chou aiyo song is playing.)
where was i? oh, i learnt many interesting things too, including the uses of sex (not biologically). hahaha. like it was God's will, way before Adam and Eve had eaten that apple, for married couples to enjoy sex.
too much info for you? nah. look at it in a biblogical way.
stuff like when married, a couple has to "leave" their parents and be joined to their spouses. check genesis 2:24. around there. haha.
and yesterday, a couple of thousand married couples renewed their marriage vows. today, too, will this renewing be going on in service.
so where does the emotional map come in?
well in one of the lessons pastor talked about communication, and this emotional map can be used to write a letter to your other half so as to improve communication between spouses.
writing one to yourself is another way to make sure you don't become "emotionally shut down".
like i said in the previous post, obviously i am not emotionally shut down (and somebody is super aware of that huh, mr aiyo?) but still i wanted to try writing a letter. and you have to be totally honest to yourself.
it's my way of telling you guys how i have been feeling lately too. not exactly a bad thing, but it may not be a good thing anyway.
so to non-CHC peeps who think i need help, nah, chill! just being honest and frank with myself. you wanna check out that marriage series? sure. pop me an (why is it AN, not A, sms?) sms or gimme a nudge in msn. you could try the emotional map yourself.
to CHC buddies, you have give it a try. be totally honest with yourself. you'll feel a lot better. for the first night i slept with out funny dreams.
ever since that darn prelims started i had dreams every night. they aren't scary or nice, just weird.
people pop out in unexpected places. i don't remember any dream, but i know they were all weird.
not those spiritual attacks kind either, though. i used to have these dreams, not not continuously for 2 weeks!
anyway, do you think i have too many youtube vids in my blog?
answer that question in my tagboard, i'm off to making a skin.
although i know that i'm definitely emotionally shut down, this is a good time to try the Letter. and i'm sharing it with all of you. sorry if it's hard to read.
Dear Min,
ANGER - you're are more than an idiot, you don't even have a heart! i'm really angry at you - do you think you're the only one living on this Earth? there are other people to consider, other people to care for, not just you yourself! and then all you can do is to keep complaining that nobody cares for you and you can't trust this person that person but in the end your bare your whole soul to whoever it is and then you get hurt and the whole cycle repeats itself! min, why can't you just accept things the way they are? you can't put them back to what it was like then. it's all changed! min, can you just stop saying mean things to people just to please yourself? why do you onlying know how to think for yourself? grow and start being like a real person! and do you really think you're so pretty, so amazing, so clever, so good? you freaking not! get a life and stop harping on these stuff!
HURT - it hurts me when i see you being left out from other people, min. but you must know this is yout own fault. if you'd know how to love people fervently and think about what your are going to say this will not happen. it is painful to see you withdraw from doing everything you love whenever you faced rejection from your peers. i know how your feel when you aren't getting want you want but still you have to put people first, not yourself. i know you are always on the verge of tears whenever somebody scolds you, and you try so hard to hide it. i feel sad when you keep hiding your sadness and disappointment from other people, that you don't want to let them know. you should know that even so, your friends will still know what you really feel. it hurts to see you criticise yourself so much to the point of going crazy.
FEAR - min, i'm afraid for you. i'm afraid you'd go on hurting yourself like this and affecting people around you. i'm afraid you won't be able to change your thinking and affect your life all the way to adulthood. i'm afraid that if you don't come out to the open about what you really feel, more people will just misunderstand you and you'll try to solve the problem but it will all get mixed up again. i fear that you won't be able to love someone again, because of all your past hurts and failures. i'm scared that you will try to keep pushing to be your best and won't take anything for granted because of the past chances you were given and did not make full use of.
REGRET - i'm sorry that i allowed you to turn out this was, that i brought you to be like this. i'm sorry that i wasn't there to help you when you were at the lowest time of your life. i'm sorry that you didn't have a satisfactory secondary school life and you were hurt by many people in many ways. i'm sorry for making you an insecure person depedant on praises of other people. i'm sorry that you're so sensitive to rejection. i'm sorry to keep making you strive to be the best and hurting you in the process. i'm sorry i don't let you know how important you are actually to me and not giving you the love you really deserve. please forgive me for putting you through all these troubles!
INTENTION - i want you to start loving people, but also start loving yourself and caring yourself in the right way. i want you think of other people's feelings before you start shooting your mouth of and consider the consequences first. i want you to know that rejection from friends may not exactly a bad thing and that you should be so affected by it. i want you to know that there are people there to support you, just that you should ask the right people and you can also depend on your family. i want you to trying loving people in truth again, even though you think you can't.
LOVE - min, you should know that i love you, and that Jesus loves you even more than you can imagine. you can brighten people's lives in the right time, and you actually make a difference in the world. thank you for being honest with yourself and other people and daring to come out and write this letter. thank you for willing to learn and accept the truth. i hope that you would take my advice and live life peacefully to the fullest without overexerting on yourself.
wow. it's a huge risk to post this. just a request. if you have only bad things to say about this, keep it to yourself. i can't take anymore rejections.
lijie, here's your song! takes awhile to load.
if you read through the lyrics, it's so true. but it's not right to wallow in it. love hurts?
agape'o
love heals.
完全的爱 Agape’o
by 何耀姗, Sun Ho
红著双眼 我低头不语 /一阵一阵哭著痛著 脆弱心里
白色的衣服 已沾湿泪滴 /一步一步走著拖著 疲乏身体
深绿树木 却充满灰烬 /一棵一棵排著列著 好像监狱
乌黑的人影 已染灰大地 /一群一群 站著围著 屏住气息
有男有女 从身旁过去 /似乎等待 这无法避免的悲剧
无风无雨难得好天气 /四处弥漫 令人不舒服的空气
一呼一吸我微弱喘息 /一点一滴 仔细想昨日的过去
忽远忽近 我已看不清 /到底那里 是我最后的目的地
身体好软弱 痛越来越多 /不知道我是否撑得过
泪光在闪烁 从前转眼过 /你的心难道上了锁
你有没有过 如此的寂寞 /个人独自的伤心难过
从来没犯错 却要受折磨 /这样到底是对是错
你曾经是否 用心的思索 /我给你的爱比你多
你这样对我 叫我怎么说 /爱一个人并非懦弱
你曾经是否 用心思索 /你爱自己胜过你爱我
你这样对我 叫我如何做 /依然不放弃这承诺
爱可以如此完美 /Love heals oh
not your problem right?
lol.
i'm hopping mad.
don't ask me why.
cannot cannot cannot.
cannot trust you anymore.
2 years. no. cannot trust you anymore.
my best buddie wants me to dedicate this song to her. but sorry lj, can't access youtube so i'll put the song on another time.
The Trouble With Love Is
by Kelly Clarckson
Ooooohhh…
Oooohhhh ya
Mmmmm
Love can be a many splended thing
Can't deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses
Diamond rings
Dreams for sale
And fairy tales
It'll make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind
It'll fool you every time
The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger then your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See you've got no say at all
Now I was a once a fool it's true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world's a deeper blue
I'm sadder but I'm wiser too
I swore I'd never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn't worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name
The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger then your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See you've got no say at all
Every time I turn around
I think I've got it all figured out
My heart keeps callin
And I keep on fallin
Over and over again
This sad story always ends the same
Me standin' in the pouring rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two
The trouble with love is (the trouble with love)
It can tear you up inside (it can tear you up inside)
Make your heart believe a lie (Make your heart believe a lie)
It's stronger than your pride
(The trouble with love is) It's in your heart it's in your soul
(It doesn't care how fast you fall) You're losing all control
(And you can't refuse the call)
So you've got no say at all
The trouble with love is (Oooo….ya)
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie (the trouble with love:)
now i'm typing today's post.
see this picture?
my bud and me, rachel, last year christmas at the 7-11 at expo.
i got the balloon from the fair that day, where they were giving out free balloons and i LOVED THIS ONE SOOOOO MUCH!
it's a heart shape, with a little pink teddy bear shape (at the right side, you can't really tell) with a blue handle. you can't see that one either.
but the main focus isn't the balloon, and my buddie rach.
no lah there's nothing wrong with rach. i was just scanning through my photos when i saw this and thought of rach.
yea. that's all. haha.
okay i was finding a picture to post. haha.
anyway, now i need to figure a way to turn on the computer but go to that login page/window so that the whole family won't excess my files, my account being the admin, and use the evidence found against me.
just kidding. there isn't any. so those of you who want to blackmail me can go kiss my a**.
no wasn't kidding.
:) don't be sure i was typing ass, i could be typing air for all you know.
silly windows. and MAN now that my com is back i so wanna play sims 2. but i can't find the CD/returned it already. i can't remember which one. so jeremy if you happen to be reading (and around this date i.e 19/09/06 also lah if one year has passed already forget it lol) can you tell me whether i returned the CD.
yup. that's about it.
you know, recently..okay not recently. for a long time i had this thought : all of us have a chance and a choice.
and seems like many of us made THAT choice, including me.
all of us must have had a chance, or not, even princess over there wouldn't have gotten one.
i mean, sheesh, it's called clothes, try some.
now none of you will have any idea of what i am talking about, in exception of one person. so let me mumble since it says there GEMINIAL not [your name here]
and him! oh man. if i was evil i would have said they were a perfect match.
but i am not, just mean (tee hee).
oh, whatever. no point, no point.
this is funny..
this is funnier!!!
fart this! XD
VIDEO MARATHON! enjoy.
yes, the piece of extremely-entertaining-but-spoil-easily gadget is back, sitting like a prince (i merely assume it's a male, since a male created it) on his throne (at the bottom of the table hahaha) and running like clockwork (wonder when it'll fail me again).
i sure use a lot of brackets.
whatever. i changed to a DVD-ROM, and will spend my days figuring out how to burn DVDs (wasn't as easy as i thought it was, turns out).
updates, schmupdates. i still have to do it.
one word: prelims
two words: (preliminary exams...haha just kidding) oh no.
three words: where's my computer (when i need it)!
four words: whatever, don't wanna study.
five words: (in exam hall)shit, dunno how to do.
six words: (still there) wah lao, why set so difficult???
seven words: (once in a blue moon, meaning NEVER) hahaha this is super duper easy man!
eight words: i never study so hard before for exams!
nine words: finally, major exams are over liao! pop the champagne!
ten words: celebrate what lah, o'levels haven't over yet then happy liao!
yea, this was pretty much has been going on. simple. prelims. and i'm halfway through, with the simple stuff left to do so no need for intensive studying. there's more to come next month.
had fun during the september holidays, though. went out a little, swimming and stuff, and to the beach on friday (and missing my chem tuition. no one knows, except for my tuition teacher and friends).
it was a pretty surprising day, that's all i have to say.
maybe it was a good thing i sent my computer for repairs during the holidays and those (@#$%!) people kept it there for nearly a fortnight (TURNED ON!) so that they could find out what the heck was wrong with my computer. so i would have no choice but to study as there wasn't anything else i could do.
i tried. but ended up either sleeping or on the phone. pfft.
and now, a piece of good news: my mom is going back to work! i tell ya, it's nice to have a mom at home, who can do stuff and you don't have to rush and stuff.
but she gets bored nesting at home and she starts taking it out on my when she nags. and it's extremely annoying. i CANNOT stand it.
so, she may be starting soon. hopefully. please please please. she's been at a tantrum at me now, for about 2 days already. she's darn childish. and my dad too. and my brother. you know, there's a lot of things that make me different from them 3.
1. i don't have dimples.
2. i am computer literate, but only because i bothered to learn.
3. i am musically inclined. i know my brother is in band. but he has no intention whatsoever to furthur pursue any form of art now.
4. i am extremely, well, noisy, when compared to them.
5. i am the only one who can operate (cos i bother to, apparently) the dvd player, amplifier and any other appliances that needs to be "yan jiu"(what's it in english huh. can't seem to remember) before using. why can't they work it out themselves. it's annoying, when i can't work it out and they make it my fault. and when i work it out and have to break my teeth explaining (this is totally about the other female in my family) AND have to endure somebody complaining that i don't teach her how to use that's why she don't know how to use. no, i do teach. you don't bother to TRY. and now we buy a new printer and i want to teach you but you say "only when i need it then i'll learn" AND WHEN YOU NEED IT I AM PRACTICALLY COMMANDED TO TEACH YOU EVEN THOUGH I'M BUSY AND THE WHOLE BLOODY CYCLE REPEATS.
nevermind. complaining, again.
there's a whole bunch of other differences but whatever.
i bought a new CD recently, called Cancer Warriors: When Voice Become Song. it includes songs (beautiful, meaningful ones) by our local artists like Ronin, West Grand Boulevard, Electrico etc. i don't remember the rest.
if you've been tuining into 987 fm recently, you would have heard some of the songs, like the one by WGB and the one by Ronin feat Fiona Xie.
lovely songs. i bought it to help the Joan Chan fund. you know, that girl who died of cancer.
she fought a strong battle and put up a strong defence.
this cd includes a song title joan, sung by joan's friends.
there's also a song by Sun Ho, with Ronin. i love that one. it's really meaningful.
don't take too long to say "i love you" to the ones you love
cos time has a habit of slipping away
go on, support the breat cancer foundation and the joan chan fund, churchmates. get it from attributes now.
and guess what i found in youtube?
just that the guy videoing kept moving his hand. but you can pretty much hear the song.
the one by Sun is better though hee hee. but Ronin sure is good.
i want to watch high school musical. kinda reminds me of grease. well here is the second song - at the beginning. i loved anastasia the movie. however, in this vid...weird guy with weird eyebrows...
old, old, super old song (what is this, new to old) by 2 of our mediacorp (then TCS) artists. i don't even know who the girl is. but all of us know the guy. i can play this song on the piano. and i WILL master it on the guitar.
the guy looks so fierce. he's better looking now lol.
